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FUNNYFARMS, BC – It was once you could go on the internet and know feelings might be hurt on Usenet, but now you can be in fear of hurtful comments with stickers and some-mogi-emoticon thngs.
Well psychiatrists are eager to send authorities straight to your door now, the moment a hurtful comment is on your profile or tagged about you and force feed you pills on suicide watch, with a new Mental Health Team initiative.
“I had no idea they knew I had my feelings hurt,” said the patient, “I wasn’t….” cut off by the psychiatric official before she could finished he responded it’s great to enjoy an all paid vacation by a drug company. He says Phyzter will cure her of any presumed “bully pains,” and she need not be forced to feel again.
The health Minister was very pleased about it, “I am glad to throw money at any bogus mental health claims,” he said while tossing money into the fire place. It was unfortunate to view all the masturbation when reaching the issue of the forced treatment, but he said, “uuhhh…uhh..oh..ahhhhh…” at the point the word “force” was uttered and his eyes rolled back.
We can all sleep well, never again would parents have to involve themselves in their children’s lives due to funeral arrangements.

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Categories Comedy, Satire

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PLAIN PAPER ENVELOPE, ONT, CANADA – In attempt to enforce progressive safe space laws. All hurt feelings in opinions, jokes and satires will be sent to a Tumblr Tribunal. “It is the only way to ensure our hate crime laws go punished properly,” said Pie….Justin Trudeau, “I will have no one cry while watching twitter, if they are of protected species.”
This PM issued bill will ensure protected species status for Unables and Other Kins on top of the usual GLBTq and Racial Minorities who agree people are born GLBTq.
“Not since cancer, has anyone been this progressive,” said a man on the street we can not name due to “journalistic ethics.”
In related news, they will be holding a Tumblr hosted book burning, so bring your favorite fire place warmer downtown and join the Liberal Party fundraiser.

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Categories Satire, Liberal

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Front Courts, MN – LA was brutally beaten by Minnesota, “sorry” said lead Minnesota Player. The win was discovered to be a constant cocaine break on the LA side. A secret coaching treatment since they added a famous morale killer to the team coaching staff, named Kloe. According to the Total Melvin Zone, she said she was thrilled to get this attention as she walked over several bodies like Turks did to her family decades ago.

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Categories Satire, Comedy

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Dumpster Dive, CA – In a report by the Total Melvin Zone, some crazy assed bitch killed a man by writing his name on her hand. When asked, the stalker said, “we reported extensively about this crazy assed bitch and no one heeded the warning.” An LA County Coroner office said, “the bribe is okay, but you only get one question,” and being asked about the cause of death, he said, “Crazy Assed Bitch with Creepy Tattoo.” This horrible event just leaves wondering, what low life bottom feeding humorist will pick his bones first.

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Categories Satire, Humor

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LEGION OF DOOM, ON – In a grand announcement a party merger between Oligarchist, Sovietism and Princess Justin have joined together to announce a merger of the Conservative, NDP, and Liberal Party to a National Socialist Party of Canada. “So no more apologies needed for the airport,” a spokesman said. Laws enforcing Vegan, Non-Smoking and opposing all fun (previously known as the Vancouver Act), an invasion of Polish Chicago and Ban on Jews in the works. There will be a factory of certain “free workers,” to do the jobs no one else wants to. A 15% min. wage for those not working there and most importantly no one will have to split the tyrannical vote, or any vote ever again. “Politics is finally honest again,” said a key official.
An old mustache style will be back in again, perhaps mandatory.

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Categories Satire, Partisan

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